I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
