I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
