If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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