my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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