Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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