The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
