I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
