I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
