I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
