Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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