At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
