if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
