i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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