Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
