I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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