He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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