trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
