at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
