...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
