I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We smell like vodka and hangover
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