I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
