where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
