I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
