I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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