I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
