I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
