I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
