i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
