you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
