She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
