im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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