I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Randomize
