This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
