Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
