My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
