so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
