I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
