they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
