I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone signed my nipple.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
