Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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