remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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