i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
