I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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