I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
