That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
