My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
