drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
