I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
