I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
