Got a toothbrush?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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