Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
