3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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