He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
