Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
