I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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