I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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