mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
