Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
