Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
