when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
