Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
