I wish my penis had an off switch
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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