I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
