i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am midnight drunk by noon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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