Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
