i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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