He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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