when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
