Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
