My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The air was thick with penises
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
