i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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