I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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