Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
