Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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