I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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