we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
