The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
