Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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