He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
